That moment when you really,really want to talk to someone and you cannot!She was trying to call her friend since evening and very time she was getting back this mechanical message of network clogging.Its not that everyday she can afford to make a call.”keep a tab on you expenses”,she had been cautioned before she left home.But today she had this urge to talk to him.The error messages began to claw on her nerves now.The feeling of anger became almost physical.
Tonight she wanted to talk.She was tired of being alone.Solitude is one thing and its good only in measured dose.An overdose of it,and loneliness attacks us.Its like the mildew growing on a damp wall in a bad monsoon.once it infects,it keeps spreading its web over you.And we cannot stop sit.And soon we are thrown into an abyss of silence,such silence that eats up everything around us.Nothing that penetrate that wall of silence and we sink in deeper and darker.
She was afraid that it had begun to infect her.It was evening and she was taking her usual path back home.The bus ride was sweaty and tiring as it was everyday.She had managed a window seat by elbowing her way in,a skill that she had to master soon enough.It was just a week into her stay here,and she was still struggling to get into those over crowded buses that are the cheapest means to commute.She had hardly managed to balance her on the minimum possible area when somebody tried to squeeze himself in and pushed her.The push had a kind of cascading effect and she tumbled in front of a seat.She learnt the art of squeezing herself in.“chaap sristi karun” she laughs as she remembers those lines
Most of the time,she could manage to seat beside the window.The journey was a long one and she liked the feel of air gushing against her face.It would wipe away the day’s grime.The cool breeze even with its smell of burnt diesel felt welcoming after the day in a controlled temperature.
Today as she sat in the bus,she could see a couple sitting in front of her.they were engaged in a very animated conversation.perhaps they were having one of those numerous li’l disagreements that couples have a privilege to enjoy.They were speaking in some local language which she didn’t understand.She longed to learn the contents of the conversation but she had absolutely no idea of the language.She could sense the modulations in their tone and tenor.She remembered how she always used to get animated and excited over li’l things and her friends used to remind her,”speak soft!people are staring”
But now,no one stares at her.It has been ages that she had a proper conversation with anyone.A smiling “hello”,a formal “good morning” that fills in the long and tiring day do not really count as proper conversation.She tried to remember what all lines she had spoken the last couple of days that didn’t relate to her occupation.She found two.She did talk about how hot the day was to her land-lady and about the pending dues to her laundry-wala.She didn’t talk to anyone about the last film she saw or the last novel she read.She doesn’t even remember discussing politics or arguing with someone!She was turning mechanical!
An instant fear gripped her;the fear of losing the ability to keep up a constant stream of word.she felt as though she was choked,choked by the lack of words.She looked around her.The crowd in the bus had thinned by then.the few people sitting had their earphones plugged in.No one was chatting.The couple had got down long back.I will forget how to talk!,she thought.i need to converse with someone now!
But the mechanical message “the number you are trying to call is currently unavailable.please call again later” gagged her.